The Worst Pirate

You don’t drink, you don’t cuss –

You’re the worst pirate out of all of us!

You hate war, you love peace –

You only sleep on the cleanest of sheets!

You hate rum, love water –

You sit around while the others slaughter!

You hate beer, you love prunes –

You just adore studying ancient runes!

We steal gold, you stay home –

We just don’t get why you’re always alone!

You hate jewels, you wear ties –

You have never answered when we ask why!

You don’t spit, you don’t sail –

While we’re all crisp tan, you are deathly pale!

You don’t yell, you don’t kill –

When we steal food, you try to pay the bill!

You’re not cruel, you won’t fight –

All of your shirts and pants are much too tight!

You’re not mean, you’re a wuss –

You’re the worst pirate out of all of us!

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