Demonic.

Today, my sadness turned to rage…

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Today, my sadness turned to rage,

And my eyes filmed over with black.

I know I’ve said some awful things,

But I don’t want to take them back.

There is no use looking for me;

You wouldn’t recognize this face.

The golden angel has fallen,

And now a demon stands in her place.

Death has now become my color;

It turns out, I wear it quite well.

I will sneak in through his window,

And drag him with me back to hell.

This demon will show no mercy,

Won’t care if he whimpers or cries.

I’m the patron saint of suffering,

The goddess of little white lies.

There is something black inside me—

Yes, I am rotten to my core.

I am sorry to disappoint you;

I am not who I was before.

Once.

Once, there was a siren…

Once, there was a siren who wished to run herself through on the rocks.

Once, there was a troll who wished to hang herself from beneath the bridge.

Once, there was a treacherous virgin who wished to be sacrificed.

Once, there was a princess who wished to throw herself from a tower.

Once, there was an opera singer who wished to cut out her own tongue.

Once, there was an atheist who wished to be nailed to a cross.

Once, there was a well-known girl with green eyes who had been trusted with so much, and she took that trust inside of her hands and she snapped it.

Rust.

To my old self of the past…

To my old self of the past:

You will love but it won’t last,

It will all move very fast,

And then you will feel cheated.

You will start out fresh and new,

But you won’t have any clue,

And the way he looks at you

Will make your skin feel heated.

But the shine will turn to rust,

He will take from you your trust,

And under the spell of lust

You won’t know you’re mistreated.

You will say that it’s alright,

Though his grip is far too tight,

And you will put up no fight,

But still you’ll be defeated.

Where Dogs Go To Die.

I kept on begging…

I kept on begging,

“Oh please, will someone–

Anyone at all–

Dig a hole for me

In the backyard earth

Where dogs go to die?”

I wanted that hole

Five feet, one inch deep.

I needed that hole

To swallow me up.

Despite all I’d done,

And how I cried out,

No one  was willing

To dig me that hole.

They said I’d be fine,

That all this would pass,

But shame burned my skin,

And rotted my soul.

So I turned myself

Toward the rising sun;

I read my own rites,

Got out my shovel.

I said no goodbyes,

Just simply walked out,

Took up the shovel,

And dug that motherfucking hole myself.

Dark Place.

I’ve locked myself in a very dark place…

I’ve locked myself in a very dark place;

They gave me a key, but I’ve chosen to stay.

I cannot forget the look on your face–

It’s followed me here. I cannot get away.

The cold has left both my lips turning blue;

My eyes have gone puffy from tears that I’ve shed.

My heart grows heavier with thoughts of you;

I don’t know when I started to lose my head.

When did I curse what I’d once held so dear?

When did I start spiraling out of control?

Didn’t I hear what I needed to hear?

Why couldn’t I have just let them cleanse my soul?

There’s nothing to do in the dark but think,

And play your sins over again in your head.

Darkness rose up, and I let myself sink;

I am a snake. Perhaps this foul skin will shed.

I wish to disappear without a trace;

You think you can call it, but this is no bluff.

I’ve locked myself in a very dark place,

But to me, it could never be dark enough.

I Lied.

I said I didn’t love you, but I lied.

I said I didn’t love you, but I lied.

Between head or heart, how could I decide?

I confessed my woes, and you simply sighed;

The timing of all this had not complied.

You didn’t scorn me as I cried and cried.

I had fallen so hard, and you had tried

To let me know that you were on my side—

Even now, after this affair has died.

I’ll think of you when all this blood has dried,

When I no longer feel the need to hide.

I wish that I could take this all in stride,

But the oceans of my regret are wide.

For my sake, you have swallowed up your pride,

And accepted the pain I feel inside.

Your heartstrings and mine will always be tied;

I said I didn’t love you, but I lied.